A friend has been having issues lately with her family. You see, they call her with their issues and she "fixes" them. They have become the children, and she has become the parent. They are all sisters. Unfortunately for her, this is weighing on her heavily. I truly understand the need to "fix" things; to want to rid others of pain, of suffering, of any unnecessary anguish. However, what tends to happen is; the issues become yours and no longer the person you are trying to help. We've had lots of talks regarding this; we've talked in depth about not destroying your own emotional and physical health to save anothers.... to allow others to have learning opportunities through trial and error..... to grow up.
It took me years and years to not be a "fixer" and to learn successfully how to be a good listener.
So my question to you all is.....
Are you a fixer or a supportive listener?
And, if you are a listener.... do you really really listen? Do you resist the urge to offer advice? Do you offer support with open ended questions or do you move the focus to you?
As I said, it took me years to learn how to successfully listen. I used to either attempt to resolve the issue or direct my friends/family on how to solve their issue with "you shoulds, you need to's", etc... and you know what? I was doing such a disservice to them. So, now I attempt to be involved in a supportive role. I thrive to be a good friend and a good listener. A good shoulder... but no longer the fixer.
6 years ago