Tara and the car

Oh Mama Kat and your writer's workshop prompts.... just pull things out that have been sitting in safe keeping for years, untouched. Then, you ask a question and it sprouts wings and we are off reliving them all over again.

Tell us about a lie you later regretted.

When I was twenty, I moved away from warm and sunny, beautiful Southern California. I had made a big decision that the life I was leading was not the best.... ok, it was destructive and I probably wouldn't be here typing this to you now if I had not left. My best friend, Mon and her husband (who I also grew up with) Cha, had come home on a visit from Ohio (he was in the Air Force and recently stationed at Wright Patt). They saw my life unwinding into full tilt chaos and asked if I would like to come back with them. I saw it as a great little adventure, some time away to clear my head. I said yes. So, away we went.

I lived with them a short amount of time, until the couch got a little too lumpy and the company a little to cramped..... then moved into a tiny (and I mean TINY) room in a house - I know this isn't about me and that room, but oh my gosh.... I have pics somewhere and I WILL find them... but it was a converted side porch that could only fit a chair; and when I say chair, I mean a dinner table chair, a bed that was the width of a toddler bed but longer (what are those called), a nightstand behind my head and a wardrobe closet in the corner. That was it. There was no other room for anything else. Oh, this house is a whole 'nother story in itself! I had a job at a music store, which just happened to be 1/2 block from my house and life was good. Life was as good as it could be I should say, when you don't have a car. I couldn't even afford the gas if I did have a car so it was probably good that I didn't have one. I survived on eggs, and rice with my 'extra money'. I should explain, that there were priorities. I had no phone, no tv, etc... so the priorities went like this.... rent, beer/liquor/cigarettes, food. I was always broke but it was so much fun. Now, everyone at this music store was great. We were all friends, and hung out every night. We had a blast. We were young and out of control. Here's the difference between me, and "them".... They all lived at home, with their parents. They all had cars. So, when they were at work, they would allow me to borrow their cars to do my grocery shopping, or laundry, go buy their dinners while they were at work, etc... It was a great deal. We were like a little family there and it just all worked out well. Tara and I were best friends (at work). She was a Air Force "brat" and lived on base in one of those nice houses officers live in. Her family was all from Texas, and they definitely had southern charm. They were very kind and very sweet to me. I'm sure they thought I was a bad influence on Tara because I lived on my own and liked to party (so did she) but they never let on. On night, I had finished my grocery shopping and was on my way back to my house, then heading over to pick Tara up from work. I was driving along, minding my own business and I heard this SMACK! Let's try this again.... SMACK! I couldn't figure out what the heck had happened, until I went to look in the side mirror (passenger side) and... IT WAS GONE. I had hit - with the side mirror - one of those big orange traffic cones that are weighted down with sand - going 40 mph. I killed that mirror. It wasn't shattered, it was gone. It was no more, no mas', nient'altro, nao mais. Just gone. There was no fixing this. My thoughts at this point were "shit, shit, shit, shit, shit". Oh, did I mention that she had only had this car about 2 months at this point? Ummm, yeah. Ok, back to my thoughts "shit, shit, shit, what am I gonna do, shit, shit, shit". I went home, unloaded my groceries and called my best best friend, Mon. She would have a solution. She knew I was ass broke and couldn't fix this. She would help me fix this. She had no answers. Honestly, I can't remember what she even said; that's how helpful it was to me and my situation. I'm sure that it was something morally ethical and correct. She was and is moral and ethical. However, she wasn't me, and I was freaking the heck out. So, the lie came. I drove over to pick Tara up from work and explained the series of events that caused there to be an apparent missing side mirror. I went in to shop, and when I came out.... the mirror was gone! Someone must have hit it in the parking lot; you know how crazy people get driving through there. And I didn't notice until I started driving away but my gosh, can you believe it? Yes. She did. She believed me. And I felt like dirt. I felt like a dead worm, under the dirt. I lied, but I didn't know what else to do. I was barely making it as it was, and now? Replace a side mirror? I didn't even know how much that would cost. I couldn't chance it. So, that's how it went. Her Dad was mad but how could they blame me? I wasn't even there when it happened. And so, we continued on. Her mirror got replaced, we continued to go out, then slowly.... snail slowly.... our friendship faded away. I know these things sometimes happen. It's life. She was going to college, had met new friends, things change. That probably wasn't what bothered me the most though. My confidant, my best friend.... Mon. We shared everything with each other. But now, she started to fade away. She stopped returning my calls, stopped taking my calls (was conveniently never home), then they moved back to California. Gone. Left. No goodbyes. I was without my best friend. The best friend I had since 7th grade. She and I were gone. Like that mirror. Just gone. Shattered. I was confused and lost, but moved on. I had lots of friends, and those two were no longer around so off I went. I talked to Tara months after our friendship had ended, just out of the blue. She told me that Mon and her had become close friends and that Mon had told her what had really happened with the car. I tried to explain where I was at during that time, but she didn't want to hear it. She just wanted me to know, that she knew. Done. I wished her luck in life, and left it at that. But I still missed my best friend. A year later (when I was 24) Mon called me from California. Just like Tara, but so different. With love, and happiness. With forgiveness and understanding. She was pregnant with her first baby. She and I talked. It was like we had never been apart. I went home to visit her. And that baby? I'm that baby's Godmother. Mon and I are still best friends. But I almost lost her. All over a car, a mirror, and a bad decision.