'There is no grief
which time does not
lessen or soften'
It's just amazing to me. It REALLY doesn't ever get any easier. What I'm realizing now is that it's sometimes almost harder because as time goes by, things like this happen and you aren't expecting it so you feel blindsided. It happened to my love a couple of weeks ago, and now it's my turn. Maybe he's trying to make sure we don't forget about him. We haven't. We won't. But just in case.....
I'm with my husband at the specialist yesterday, and I'm filling out his paperwork (because hello. that's what I do... or the poor doctors, nurses, etc would never understand what was written).
I'm plugging along and then I see it.
If Deceased, how?
And, the tears start. Quiet, calm tears.... but tears.
He's gone and we miss him. It's not going to change. I can't bring him back. As my father in law would say, 'it is what it is'.
And it is..... what it is.
I still didn't want to write 'deceased' and 'cancer' next to his name. In no way, shape or sound. I just wanted to skip it, and make it not true.
Unfortunately, it is.... what it is.
I wiped my tears (not before letting one drop right onto the page of course), took a deep breath, looked deep into my husband's eyes (that let me visit my father in law because those eyes are just like his), and began to write.