Mama Kat.... she just never fails to find good prompts for us all to work with. This week was no different. Stop by and visit her if you haven't had the opportunity.
So, this week there were some good prompts but only one REALLY stood out for me;
"other than the birth of a child or your wedding, write about a joyous moment"
You know, every time I look into my sons eyes when he's sleeping I experience pure joy. Every time my husband holds me in his arms, I feel it.
But really, when I get right down to it... right at my core.... what makes me "joyous"?
It's who I am, who I've become. The person that allows me to feel all of the joy of those around me; the joy of family, of friends, of society, and of the earth itself.
So, I choose to speak to when I remember finally feeling joyous about me. The very first time. Growing up I had low self esteem. I thought that external influences were who/what provided validation for who I was and I honestly.... I didn't truly know who I was after all.
When I left home at 20, I thought the only way to be happy and "fulfilled" required that I always have a man around. He would prove my worth and I had to be make him my first priority, not me.
Finally, I decided that I deserved better. It was my action (or inaction) that would determine my self-worth and I was the one in control; no one else.
I became powerful. I became independent. I was even a bit selfish.
Thinking back on it now, what I remember most was just how thrilled I was with being who I was, where I was, and looking forward to my future.
It was when I TRULY became a women.
I came into my own, and boy did I own it!
I stayed up late, hung out with friends, went out when I felt like it, dated (and yes, slept with) who I wanted, called boys back only if I felt like it, and enjoyed life.
I laughed a lot. I danced a lot. It was joyous!
And you know what?
When I finally knew who I was; when I understood what I wanted and needed out of life, LOVE found me. I was open to accepting TRUE and UNCONDITIONAL love and it was right there, just waiting for me.
And that was joyous. Life has been joyous ever since.
Because I am enough.